SORRY GOD BUT WE NEED TO CHAT

http://end-blasphemy-laws.org/

WARNING: Absurdist blasphemous rant. (I'm not actually anti-religion for the record)

Not sure why Allah currently seems to get more insulted than other deities if we call Him a homophobic misogynistic jealous spiteful sadistic pedophile-protecting scientifically-ignorant-about-the-universe-He-created murderous myopic patriarchal capricious frick-tard.

I know you're testing us O Great One but I've studied all the religions and I've obviously failed you because I have absolutely no idea which interpretation of you is most correct! Most people are obviously confused as well because they usually just go along with their parents' religion or even reject your existence entirely and call themselves militant atheists; as if they would have a hope of fighting your immense power!

Not shown but should be for balance: Militant Americans

My advice to you God, if I may be so bold, is at your next job performance appraisal, you ask your boss for some ideas on how to encourage more people to believe in you as you actually are, rather than obvious human fabrications. I want to get to know the Real God. 

Is this the real God?

Your boss, Xaxo, the creator of the Multi-Metaverse, will I'm sure have lots of experience with this problem as she presides over an infinite number of universes with an infinite number of gods and has surely had to deal with this problem an infinite number of times before.

And please don't embarrass yourself like you did in one of your previous appraisals when you broke down in angel tears and pleaded to your boss to let you start over again because you'd made such a mess of humanity. 

She meant it when she said, "NO MORE GREAT FLOODS!", after the Noah incident. You don't just get to reset humanity this time around, O Holy & Merciful One!

IS IT IMPOSSIBLE THAT I'M THE WORD OF GOD?

WARNING: BLASPHEMY ALERT!

John Lennon might have been more popular than Jesus Christ, but I'm just deluded enough to believe that I'm a little more benevolent & relevant than the JC...

If you need to believe that I am the second coming of Christ or a prophet or in touch with the Universal consciousness and can therefore amend the old commandments and dogmas for the sake of all humanity, then go for it! No one can disprove that my mental illness could be a result of trying to endure the overpowering word of God. She/He/It/They could be trying to use me as a prophet to tell all humanity that we are at the dawning of a new peaceful age; but the first step is losing all the dangerous Jerry Springer Baggage from the past so we can truly live in harmony!

This would actually be in line with my absurdist philosophies. God's new messenger is a de-facto atheist who doesn't even really care about humanity. Thanks God (probable delusion) for making me care! Hallelujah and Hail Julia Gulia!

10 COMMANDMENTS

Take the 10 commandments as a start. In this modern age of 8 second attention spans, the Bible should have a very concise list of how to lead a good life. Many humans believe that God told Moses something roughly like this modern-ish interpretation of the 10 commandments:

"The Judeo-Christian 10 Commandments List, Short Form:
1. You shall have no other gods before Me.
2. You shall not make idols.
3. You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain.
4. Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.
5. Honor your father and your mother.
6. You shall not murder.
7. You shall not commit adultery.
8. You shall not steal.
9. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
10. You shall not covet."

http://lifehopeandtruth.com/…/the-ten…/10-commandments-list/

Add to that Jesus' commandments to turn the other cheek and treat others like you'd want to be treated yourself.

THE EMERGENCE MANIFESTO IS BETTER OR AT LEAST A PRETTY GOOD AMENDMENT?

Compare to The Emergence mantras:

- i sustain all life in the metaverse
- i am enriched by positive interactions online & offline
- i strive for humility, kindness & eudemonia (fancy word for human flourishing which is a fancy term for happiness of our species)
- i live modestly & donate my surplus
- i volunteer my time to the global community
- i strive to create inspiring content & accept donations
- i yearn for world peace & harmony in the near future
- my brain is deeply flawed & deluded
- i will always strive to improve

There is much overlap with modern moderate interpretations of the major religions for sure; especially with the Buddhist & Jesus stuff. Are my mantras 'better' than the 10 + Jesus commandments and the teachings of the Buddha? Do I go straight to hell for even suggesting this possibility or will I be reincarnated as a slug with a salt addiction?

I agree that it sounds very arrogant to even consider that I could do a better job than God! My assertion would be that if God does exist and actually is benevolent and actually cares about my penis and testicles and brain, it's humans that have grossly misinterpreted her word. Only a de-facto Atheist like me can really see through the BS. I'm not blinded by Faith and unable to Breathe in the evidence!

AFTERWORD: WHAT TO DO WITH THOSE WHO LACK EMPATHY? CAN THEY BE TRAINED?

Could someone who lacks empathy follow The Emergence Mantras and be less of a sociopath? It's helping me but I'm not a proper sociopath; only half. I'm sure that a true sociopath would work out a way to distort it for their own gain just like they've distorted every other ideology...