I'm relieved/annoyed that I frightened off my katana-wielding frienemy, whom I probably should have blocked early on for spamming about psychedelic space mushrooms and just generally being one of the most difficult humans I've ever come across. How can I maintain a relationship with someone who doesn't even think they are human and calls me 'spiritual garbage'?
Is this my soul?
The rules of interaction were more than a little challenging for me to comply with. I called him 'bro' in our last chat and that didn't go well. Was I deliberately winding him up? Yes, but I call people 'bro' all the time and if that causes issues then what can I do? I stated that I'm happy to have keyboard warrior duels if he can be a tad nicer.
As he's written off all of humanity and doesn't believe that one should communicate non-telepathetically using English, what can I do? When I asked him why he uses Facebook, when it appears to be completely incompatible with his world-view, he answered because he wants to. I was hoping for something a bit more enlightened from an immortal being who claims to communicate with other-worldly beings such as Greys and Rigellians.
This ET tells me to wipe out humanity to clear Earth for his plastic invasion
The primary reason that he unfriended me was that I censored two of his comments on my Facebook threads. In the first, he called people 'cretins'; in the second he recommended giving illegal psychedelic substances to a child. I stated why I believed they were inappropriate. Just these two small censorships caused his persecution complex lobe to explode. I can see why diplomacy with extremists can be almost impossible; like working with Jeremy Clarkson.
But let's face it: he didn't laugh at or even understand my lame jokes, so it was never going to work out. I'm not optimistic, but I do hope he manages to eke out some kind of flourishing life.
Google says this is what a flourishing life looks like
Did engaging with him for a few days help, hinder or make no difference to his disposition? I would say no difference. True extremism seems to be a dysfunctional brain that probably cannot be mended without a heck of a lot of water-boarding by mental health professionals. Where do you even start with someone completely miserable and highly delusional that wants no therapy? Our current culture of individualism seems to say leave them be and it's their choice to destroy their lives. I'm just not comfortable with that but I don't want to lock people up either unless they are likely to harm themselves or others.
What's the take-home from all this for the majority of humanity who try to be moderates? Immunize yourself against extremism. Basically:
- Accept that we are all wrong about lots of things
- Question everything but don't deny the power of the scientific method and critical thinking
- Don't demonise anyone; not even Rebecca Black
- Be kind and don't play dirty unless it's consensual
- Find something that makes you laugh
I rate myself 50.1% successful at extremism immunization so I barely pass. If you rate yourself at higher than 80%, then ask your favourite skeptic if they agree and be upfront about your belief in hyperdimensional colonic colour physics.
This is my colon and clearly proves my psychic abilities
And
God speaketh to Kenny 'Baker' Ham (prank call from God to Ken and
where he got his idea to rebuild Noah's flood boat)
K: "Hello?"
G: "Are you there Ken? Sorry this is a poor line. I had Gabriel over
last week to fix it. He used to fly down to pass on my message but somehow convinced me that I had to keep up with the times with his patented telepathy technology. He can't tell me why only certain people like you and George Bush Jr hear my Word."
K: "Oh thank you God, you have finally spoken to me and answered my prayers.
May I ask why your voice isn't as boomy as it used to be?"
G: "No you may not! You are too weak to be able to hear my true voice and
see my true form. Now listen very
closely. The Earth has
become corrupt and evil and must be destroyed... again."
K: "But mighty God, didn't you say that you'd never need to do this again?"
G: "Impudent fool, the scribes got it wrong. You don't believe every word in
the modern English bible is the literal truth, do you? Along with the gift of free will comes the gift of completely f*cking things up..."
K: "Um, no of course not." (Obviously lying)
G: "You are a liar and must be destroyed with everyone else. Yes, even the tardigrades and the fluffy
puppy dogs who are deeply sinful too. I've seen your YouTube video about the
banana. Or was that Ray Comfort? I don't remember..."
K: "Oh perfect God, can you ever forgive me? Am I not the best of what's
left of good humanity? What can I do to show you my allegiance to you?"
G: "Circumcise yourself right now then go and kill your son to show how much
you love me."
K: "Okay!" (Gets out knife) "AAAAHHHHHHH! Foreskin gone." (Is bleeding and
clearly in pain) "Now I only have to murder my son. Hold on, isn't number seven of the
commandments to not kill?"
G: "Ken, you are starting to piss me off. This commandment was incomplete of
course! Any god fearing idiot that has actually read all my book has worked that out! Of course there are
situations where you must kill, like self-defense and holy wars and when I fricking say
so."
K: "But God, are you not all-seeing and all-knowing and all-powerful?
Couldn't you have made the bible less confusing for lowly idiots like me?"
G: "No! It was a test obviously and you again have failed me for the last time. I think I
should just wipe you all out then start again with Garden of Eden 2.0 without the snake this time. Start the countdown 10, 9, 8..."
K: "Please mighty one, I kneel before you! Please spare me. I will go and
kill my son before you can say Hallelujah praise the lord."
G: "Where did I go wrong? What did I do to deserve such an ungrateful and wicked
bunch? Do you really think I want you to kill your son? See, another test
you've failed." (God starts fake crying)
K: "There, there, God, don't worry. We are sinners but have I not shown myself to be superior to the rest?"
G: "I've tried so hard to do the best I can for humanity but they're so
ungrateful and selfish and stupid. Many never even talk to me anymore and many waste their lives on the Internet reading unfunny attempts at humour ridiculing me..."
K: "It's Okay great one. We all are deeply sinful and the rest must be punished. Oh merciful God. Can you forgive me? I've
never told anyone this but I have very sick unfulfilled sexual fantasies. When
I debate non-believers I tend to bang on about sex too much and give myself
away. You must be right that you need to start again. Wipe us all out! But if you save me I can start to rebuild humanity!"
G: "Sh*t, here he is." (Jesus shows up on the right hand of God)
J: "Hey Dad! What are you up to now? Are you going all Old Testament again? We've spoken about this!"
G: "Ken, as long as you are
sorry for all the sick and twisted things you've done my 'goody two shoes, turn
the other f*cking cheek' hippie son will forgive you."
K: "Oh thank you great one. I will do whatever you say without hesitation.
Is there any wisdom in the book of revelations that you can remind me of. Are you planning the rapture?"
G: "What!!! That book wasn't even supposed to be there. It is the clear work
of the devil and responsible for much of the evil in the world. Don't tell me
that you actually believe that the rapture would happen literally as told in
that fantasy worse than any Tolkien tripe about little people with hairy feet?"
K: "No of course not. I mean sorry God I did but if you say it's wrong you must be right! You would never lie to me. You are the all-powerful creator of the universe after all!"
G: "Well not really but don't worry about that. I am the greatest god that
has control over you and that's all that matters!"
K: "Sorry to be terribly bold, but can I ask another question? Can I ask what
the Holy Spirit is? I pretended to but never really understood."
J: "We don't either! That is made up nonsense of course. How could anyone
have believed in a nebulous obviously-fabricated holy spirit? You are right to
question this. You are starting to impress us. Please hold the line." (Music
plays with a recorded message about your feedback being important to us)
G: "We have just talked it out and you're our main man! I know this is going
to sound a bit like Return of the Jedi when there was just a bigger f*cking
Death Star and half-sized Wookies, but you must build me an ark!"
K: "But how will I do this? I am not a carpenter and won't live long enough to finish it."
G: "Well sh*t. Noah even sorted it out and he was a primitive goat f*cker.
Don't get me wrong, the bearded tw*t could hammer a nail but man did he like to
f*ck goats. We had to dress up his wife as a goat in the end so he would
re-populate the Earth, for f*ck's sakes."
K: "Gulp, Okay I'll get right on it! You've put your faith in me and I won't
fail you. Goodbye and I love you!" (Starts to think about how to build it and how to scam his followers into donating their money instead of giving it to the poor and needy)
G: Laughs. "No, it's alright, we'll help. Now understand that all the evil
d*cks in the world, which is everyone else at this point, will laugh at you
and call you the most pathetic simple minded rat coffin eating c*nt in the World. Even the people who call themselves believers will think that you've
completely lost your sh*t and should go for a relaxing holiday in a plush
padded room where you'll not have a care in the world. But we believe in you.
You know how it goes I'm sure. You have to take the first leap of faith.
Unfortunately, even though we're all powerful and sh*t, we're a bit strapped
for cash at the moment. The other gods flushed our heads down swirling black
holes and emptied out our pockets."
K: "Sorry Almighty. Are you not the only true God? Doesn't the Bible say..?
I thought at least this part of the Bible was the true word."
G:(Mimics Ken "Doesn't the bible say..?") "Silence! They are untrue
gods and big mean bullies. I need to leave the fund-raising to you. You must go to the evil
government and ask for tax breaks so that you may build an ark-themed amusement
park. That will be your cover story but you'll still have little children
rolling on the ground laughing at you when you walk down the street and calling
you Ken the dog-sh*t-level dumb f*cktard. Evil little children that
we will soon take care of, don't worry!"
K: "OK mighty and all good God. I'll get right on it! Even if I don't get
tax breaks, I'll raise the money myself and build the biggest ark I can and
save as many kinds of animals as possible."
G: "No matter what, you must build me an ark for the coming 'greater than the
last one I promise' flood. Even Kevin Costner won't survive this time!"
K:(Thinks) "Thank you so very much Lord for giving me the opportunity to
repopulate the Earth. Is there any chance that I could have 73 barely legal
dwarf SSBBW virgins on board?"
G: "No! That virgin special offer isn't working out so well so we won't be offering
it again. Instead you will need to impregnate every animal that you gather on
the ark, so you only need females. Your little penis is skeleton key for all land-based
and flying life. Only after you have done this will we allow you to unfreeze
the 100 sexually-experienced 16-year olds that will be held in suspended
animation on your ark."
K: "Um, this is a lot for me to process. Okay I'll do it but you're testing
me again, right? Won't I go to Hell for impregnating 16 year olds?"
G: "Where did you get that idea from? I'm the one who came up with the
saying, 'if it bleeds it breeds' and 'if there's grass on the pitch it's OK to play'. It's only man-made laws that care about violating women. Besides, after the flood, there will be no other evil and debaucherous humans to imprison you for simply
giving a teenager the gift of a baby."
K: Ken gets excited. "As you wish, my master. Can I talk to you
whenever I want by just praying? Surely you can let me hear your real voice and
see your perfect form!"
G: God and Jesus laugh. "Sure Ken, you can talk to us but don't think
that we're ignoring you just because we don't answer back. You'll see our forms in the clouds and on toast and our voices in the thunder and your stomach rumblings. So go build and ignore the haters. Farewell."
God and Jesus roll on the floor laughing and rub their hands with glee at the anticipation of future Ken Ham entertainment.
In order to know thyself, should we learn about others? It is prudent to increase the sample size above one for any scientific investigation. But, in my case, I may be focusing too much on others as part of a grand avoidance strategy to not deal with my own problems...
I will be applying V1 of my Extremism Spectrum Disorder Diagnostic Tool to two subjects that I have been interacting with. I have not met these people face-to-face so I am basing this assessment on their online personas which I accept may be different to their core personalities. Subject Neo is a great example of this. He is a keyboard warrior who challenges people to katana duels. I live near him, so we could have battled to the death I suppose but when he challenged me, both of his arms were broken!
1. Is the individual 100% certain and proud that their ideology is True to the point where they never express doubt and others think they may have a superiority complex? - Neo yes / Astra no
2. Does the individual’s ideology monopolise a big chunk of their time, money, effort, conversation, future goals? - Neo yes / Astra yes
3. Does the individual deny the possibility of their own brain's fallibility when it comes to their ideology? - Neo yes / Astra no
4. Is the whole Universe viewed in 2 shades by the individual? All good or all evil? Speaks in lots of absolutes? - Neo yes and getting more and more misanthropic / Astra no
5. Does the individual have a less than fully justified persecution complex about their ideology? - Neo yes / Astra no
An extremist and a moderate walk into a protest...
HARM
6. Has the ideology clearly caused the individual or others close to them harm in the past but they deny that the ideology was the cause? (Harm could be physical, emotional, financial, relationships) - Neo it's complicated as past trauma may have been the trigger / Astra no
7. Have others with the same ideology harmed themselves or others? - Neo yes: self-immolaters / Astra no
8. Is there denial or downplay that others with the same ideology have caused harm and denial or downplay that there are victims? - Neo yes: self-immolaters! / Astra no
OUTSIDERS
9. Does the individual react unpredictably, irrationally, emotionally, negatively and with obvious motivated reasoning when confronted with contradicting evidence and opinions or even with more moderate versions of their ideology? - Neo yes: lots of sweary abuse! / Astra no
10. Is it impossible to make light jokes about the individual’s ideology without negative reaction? / Does the individual misunderstand humour from outside the ideology? - Neo yes and maintains the importance of austerity / Astra no
11. Does the individual throw the rule-book out during debates about their ideology and play dirty in order to win? - Neo yes: calling me "spiritual garbage" / Astra no
12. Can the individual not imagine what it would be like to have a different ideology and can't be at least somewhat accepting of a different ‘path’? - Neo yes and he's on a path to destruction / Astra no
GROUP
13. Is the individual part of a group devoted to the ideology with a charismatic leader or leaders that have somewhat closed themselves off to the outside world and others consider to be at least somewhat like a cult? - Neo yes: Terrance McKenna / Astra not really
14. Does the individual glorify the people that share his ideology while demonising people with views that even only slightly differ? - Neo sometimes, but at this point he's demonising even his friends with a similar World View so he's alienating himself more and more which is ironic from someone who believes he communicates telepathically with aliens / Astra no
15. Does the individual’s ideology involve unique jargon not used by others with a similar ideology? - Neo yes and lots of annoyingly elaborate diagrams / Astra no
16. Does the content that the individual consumes about their ideology read like propaganda with obvious flawed logic and exaggeration? - Neo yes: you'd think that his ETs would be a bit more sophisticated! / Astra yes but it's benign
17. Does the individual believe there is a constant sense of crisis about the world that could be fixed by more people believing in the ideology or at least not opposing it? - Neo yes: he wants a Noah style great flood to destroy all the people he demonises / Astra no
IDEOLOGY
18. Is the ideology not backed by any scientific evidence? - Neo yes-ish: Universe could be a simulation but the scientific jury is out / Astra yes-ish
19. Has an elaborate alternative paradigm been created that tries to ‘prove’ the ideology? Are there simple narrative structures as part of the ideology like hero quests and Star Wars ‘freedom fighter’ Rebel Alliance vs very powerful and evil Empire? Are complexities, nuances, randomness and the messiness of reality ignored or explained by the ideology? - Neo yes / Astra half-half
FUTURE
20. Does the individual want to tell the world about their ideology and thinks that all will eventually be ‘awakened’ and ‘believe’ too or be punished for not ‘believing’? - Neo yes: when he's not in complete misanthropic moods / Astra no not punished for disbelief
21. Is there the assertion that in the future the individual’s beliefs will be vindicated somehow, like the end times or scientific ‘proof’? - Neo yes / Astra yes
RESULTS
Neo: 19 points therefore way above extremism threshold
Astra: 4 points therefore way below extremism threshold
The new Holden Astra
Conclusion:
As a 'benign believer', dealing with Astra should not be problematic as long as one is a skeptic or moderate and not an a-hole absolutist denier. Do not preach against or demean the subject's ideology; just have friendly conversation discussing the many ways the human mind can interpret the Universe. The subject likes to engage in humorous banter too which is always great immunization against extremism!
Dealing with Neo is problematic. Proceed with caution and warn others if the subject's behaviour may harm others. It is hard to describe the subject as anything other than a harmful extremist. Try to build some kind of rapport without humouring his ideology too much and without making him think of you as an extremist from the 'other side'. Using humour is fraught with danger and no jokes should be made about the subject's ideology. Do not publicly shame him. He needs professional help especially for his suicidal ideations.
Afterword:
Neo did indeed become problematic and he is still on my Facebook blocked list. I have been considering unblocking him, but he continues to strongly abuse even his supporters that share his fringe World-Views. I deeply worry about his future and really wish that he could get the professional mental health support that he needs; if that's possible.
When I manage to build my Emergence re-education camps, he will be my alpha student and then, mark my words, he will be my deputy leader once he sees the light.
Do you love the next planet out from the sun as much as I do? No? Does this image make you feel anything or are you suffering from Space Mumps?
Image Credit: NASA/JPL-Caltech/Malin Space Science Systems & a cute little roving buggy
The heart-breaking ‘get
our human asses to Mars’ news is that realistically it’s still at least 20
years away. If the experts are saying that something is 20 years away, they may
as well be saying, “we don’t know!” There are perhaps a million innovations and
incremental improvements required to actually get people safely to Mars and be
able to return. So what should we do?
Can you hear Holst’s
masterpiece in your head? If not, play the music and let’s visualise together
an army of robots waging exploration war on the fine red regolith, then
chilling out in their downtime playing the Martian-robo-mod of the Plants vs Zombies video game.
While I’d like more money to be spent on exploration rather
than weapons
of Terran mass murder, I agree with the current plan that machines can do the work. Let’s keep
following the red brick road that space scientists and engineers and their
support teams have been given the curious
opportunity to robo-slave away on. With each new mission we find out more
and more and with slow incremental improvements, we should one day be able to
make a fully operational kill-bot who’ll be able to hermaphroditically reproduce
with their double-barrelled
inseminators.
Have I just jumped
theMartian Sharknado in
claiming that we’ll ever be able to advance from cute little remote-controlled
buggies to remote-controlled synthetic
humans with terminating abilities far beyond the T-1000? Perhaps, but the RC synths will
be far more resistant to the deadly
conditions on Mars than squishy humans and not go space-crazy on the 6
month voyage.
The biggest current obstacle that I see for a real
breakthrough to get the wider population as excited as me is brain/machine
interfacing: the ability for telepresence; which is remotely controlling
robots using only our minds and getting the inputs piped into our brains from
the robots’ sensors. If you’ve had the misfortune to see Smurfs
in Space (the movie Avatar), you get the idea.
It’s all extremely cool technology to get anything to Mars,
but we are in an early stage right now. Many of us don’t feel like we’ve
actually gone there like we went to The Moon. Well, the current robotic
technology is not as Fancy as Iggy
Azalea yet, but at least the Mars bots won’t
struggle with the lyrics to their own songs and cancel
their concert tours and advertise
underwear instead. Anyone looking forward to her troubled second album?
Am I the only one that can see her robot flanges?
Maybe Iggy is actually secretly a robot remotely controlled
by Nicki
Minaj. The technology hasn’t been perfected yet and Iggy is currently being
repaired and upgraded, but Nikki managed to get some extra cash, no. 1 hits and
awards by creating and controlling a white and non-threatening rapper and even
inventing the feud between them so no one except me would be able to join the conspir-ass-y
dots. Come on Nicki! Let's use some of your booty robot technology to help out the
Mars robot nerds.
If I could get Nicki’s technology, I would build and control
a billion Bill Cosbys to swarm over Mars and there wouldn’t be a single woman
to violate on the entire planet. In a Universe without karma, this would be
poetic justice for me. Think the ‘Being John Malkovich’
movie poster but with Bill Cosbys. If this thought experiment horrifies you,
then how about substituting with a more friendly celebrity like Rolf Harris or
Jarred ‘not from Subway anymore’ Fogle or Mel Gibson or any of these stellar
individuals?
TRIGGER WARNING ON VIDEO FOR ANY HUMAN THAT ISN'T MELVIN GIBSONS
Have I managed to make a cogent point between dumb jokes
trying to somehow come to terms with the evils of human nature? Stay on target Gold Five! We are
already doing what it will take to one day at least feel like we’re on Mars with the aid of technology. If you think
this is far-fetched, just consider how much technology is in your smart phone.
You’ve got the whole world in your hands and one day you’ll have other worlds
too!
References:
Blog
article about a planned human mission to Mars possible/probable scam
Pinterest
board for any space exploration articles that get my space antennas buzzing
I was thinking about coming up with a long contrarian rant to balance out the positive rationality in the linked article above. But who could actually disagree with Aaron's argument?
How about the type of politicians that have the attitude of: 'sounds good sure, but it won't get me votes, so let 'em' suffer?' Even they would never actually say on record that they don't care about mental health; so you'd have to try and intrude on a private conversation with a politician using a super-stealth boom microphone.
Invisible boom microphone...
To channel someone who would trash the article, I would have to pretend to be the worst kind of MEST conquering Scientologist; ie Tom Cruise. My contrarian argument would then be:
"Those that are labelled as mentally ill by the Nazi psychiatrists actually have too many Thetans blocking their 'money' audits. So cut the government mental health budget in half and give it to the 'Church of Scientology'. As an added perk, part of the money, along with some mile-high Qantas cash, will help fund a new Jet for John Travolta. (a new child, not a new plane)
Those that don't come for a free e-meter reading, then sign up to give most of their money to reach clear level 'Maverick' will, unfortunately, not get all the benefits. It will only be a matter of time though when even these people will accept the gift of Dianetics by the founder of the Church, Old L Mother Hubbard. This will open them up to the Truth and they will start to charge the Battlefield Earth to total clarity."
That's the best counter-argument I can come up. I'm sure that someone else could do better but they wouldn't include a deeply cruel and offensive joke about John Trevolting's dead son. Sorry! If you think you're life is tough, spare a thought for those stuck in the Scientology retro DC-8 sci-fi cult. They are not only persecuted but also laughed at about their beliefs by conformist tyrants like me.
Can I conclude with a serious point? How in Xenu's name have I got myself in the position of talking about Scientologists when I was supposed to be plugging an article about Australia's mental health budget? Sorry, but back to some more Cruisy couch jumping for joy:
Think for a moment about what life must be like for the brainwashed rank-and-file in Hubbard's smothered cupboard. I would imagine that de-programming these people would require some seriously dedicated mental health professionals. Then maybe these victims can turn to healthier world-views such as the newer 'X files, Matrix and Heaven's Gate-inspired' cults whose followers believe that the world is a simulated virtual reality powered by an optical quantum super-string computer and we can all, with the aid of magical mushroom technology, communicate with the Rigellian fleet to make hybrid 'look-who's-talking' babies by inserting probes up Hollyweird celebrities.
Whoa! The tin foil anorak wearing smurfs were right?
I ridicule the newer space-cake cults for their comical implausibility, but they are so much more believable, and I would even say safer, than L Ron's galactic love shack B-52s and sexually repressed Ethan Hunts. Much of the 'we live in a Matrix' stuff has a non-zero probability of being the Truth in my opinion. And it is much cooler than believing that super-advanced aliens use hydrogen bombs and fly airplanes.
So, for any Scientologists out there, I can hook you up with 'people' who will gladly donate their time to teach you about 'the way of Marshall Amped-up Dough Applebread, K-Neo-Noo & Fox network sex addict Mulder'.
Warning*: do not read article if you are triggered by the following: Ghandi, psychology, mental health, contrarianism, V8 supercars, cost-conscious and vote-seeking politicians, extremism, Scientology, Thetans, chakras, Qantas, John and Neo-Jet Travolta, e-meters, Top Gun, Dianetics, Nursery Rhymes, Truth, Wahlburgers, conformists, tyrants, Xenu, X-files, the Matrix, Rigellians, cults, Mission Impossible, the New World Order and Donny Loves Jenny.
*Warning about warning**: do not read warning or article if offended by abrasive dishumour. If you think that Joan Rivers is better off dead for her hurtful Holocaust jokes, then you probably won't like my joke in the article about raping Bill Cosby.
**Warning about warning about warning***: stop reading and go back to liking vaguely positive posts about sunshine and rainbows that make you feel good for about 2 seconds before you go back to realising that all the hopes and dreams that you had have evaporated before your eyes and you are alone; except for your 2 cats Misty and Mr Jingles who treat you worse than your ex did but you love them because your unconscious mind revels in being a victim.
***Warning about warning about warning about warning: Don't read warning about warning about warning as TRIGGER ALERT for victim blaming.
Disclaimer: The author of the linked article and I have known each other for something like 25 years. I can't think of any major clash of world-view type debates between us. So I blame the 'argument from mate I went to school with' logical fallacy for my uncritical opinion about his fantastic article.
If you love The Emergence Starts Now, then donate a little to allow us to continue our magical space oddity journey to World Peace. And remember we will donate forward half of what we are gifted to an approved charity like The World Food Program or Doctors Without Borders.
If you hate the content of The Emergence, then get off the following URLs and Earls and Social Medias, because we're not going to rest until we have infiltrated every human mind. In fact, the best you can do is get off the grid immediately with Jessie ‘Ace’ Ventura. This will give you a few years of your pitiful liberty until the New World Order starts spraying our own special fragrance of chemtrail mix to subdue you; followed by us bringing you in to one of our luxury re-education FEMA camps.
Have we missed any outlet for our once-in-a-Universe genius word-based mind-hacking technology? All this content is free and followers who donate to us get nothing extra except for an occasional burning sensation in their pants.
- New blog and old Blog for a very special niche audience of our science-based absurdist hippie clown clones
Our 5th in command
- More conventional published articles that hide our true identity and attempt to subliminally brainwash outsiders into our cult
- Facebook personal page of The Founder for the short rant and the occasional abusive rap battle with extremists. Example from the prophet code-named Smurfette: "I am not a dude and you are a tyrant frightened of the truth. We don't need people like you in the Universe."
- Books if we can ever concentrate on a single topic long enough. We’ve started something with an incredibly angry and sweary tone to be published in 2022.
- Holy text decreed to us by the archangel Gabi Grecko for our new global religion that all will follow or face the consequences
Our holy mother Gabi showing off her Emergence commitment ring
Other ways we're taking it all over one snore-cast at a time:
- Youtube for our depression casts and abuse casts to enjoy my cheery disposition
- Podcast for occasional audio versions of our blog articles and the odd snore cast
- Instagram for our Brooding Batman Lego creations and feet
- LinkedIn profile to give the illusion that we are professional
- Vine for some of the most annoying and offensive 6 second videos about The Emergence being a scourge to humanity
- Pinterest to be our brain extension for Data we can’t remember like Spiner Femmes and Filkers. Our mental health board is a collection of articles we've used to create the rhythmic dance routines that will be used by the 2016 Olympic team from Moldavia.
- Google+ to spread the word to Google employees that aren't permitted to use Facebook.
- Live appearances: We are all the face of The Emergence. The Dave Chaffey Hippie Unit is The Founder. He doesn't want to be a sociopathic sex-crazed charismatic leader. He will perform live occasionally on request, but any who agree in general with our manifesto guidelines can spread the word loudly in public and drop love bombs on Donald Trump’s 17th wife bot and hair fluffer.
- Peaceful demonstrations: Small groups like the Oscar Pistorius supporters. Quiet, unassuming with silly costumes and placards. This may not make headlines but also won’t incite violence. Followers are encouraged to protest anything that doesn't follow basic harm minimisation principles, like BDSM dominatrix's and personal trainers with names like The Commando and The Misogynist Minute-Man
- Support group Periscope live streams on request for crazy geniuses currently having trouble being productive members of society. Productive could mean just doing a little volunteer work rather than spending all their days fighting the semantic anti-Semitic Great War with their keyboards. The debate will rage about the role of shock trolling in bringing about World Peace.
- Radio broadcast stunts to raise money for charity: We’ll do anything you ask of us as long as it won’t harm us and won't take much effort. Kudos to the little fella on the Unicycle with the gorgeous voice, but no frucking way we’re squashing our balls for 6 months. Our first stunt could be doing a homage to the ending of Fight Club.
- Annual anti-social inner beauty omphaloskepsis pageant. Post your belly button shots and short bios on our Facebook page
- 'Hug an Extremist' charity drive on Vine. Post 6 second videos of you hugging an extremist and then donating money to the opposite cause. For example, hug radio schlock jock Alan Jones, then donate to MENSA.
- Love bombing of mainstream media by our followers to try and steer them away from the actual problems in the World like Mel Gibson and Big Fairy. We'll donate to an approved charity for every time one of our followers yells THE EMERGENCE STARTS NOW to an audience of over 100,000. Post your videos on Youtube.
- Skeptic Master online lecture series coming soon to prepare for the coming final epic battle with the Reiki Masters
- Merchandising upon request – all profits to charity – T shirt with the slogan: “Having a bad day? If you are still alive tomorrow, how about thinking about the 21,000 who starved to death, you arrogant selfish pompous ass!”
How else would you like us to serve you? We'll do anything that we agree to do!
Lastly, our followers will keep an eye on anything else useful like
BlackPlanet, Cross.tv, Ravelry or The Reclaim Australia Circus Clowns? There
are many poor souls stuck in these insular networks and benevolent infiltration
by us would be enlightening if nothing else.
Reclaim Australia Leader and First Australian hater Shermon 'the tank' Burgess
Contact us on your Almon Brown Strowger rotary phone by yelling The Emergence Starts Now at the operator.
