If you hate the content of The Emergence, then get off the following URLs and Earls and Social Medias, because we're not going to rest until we have infiltrated every human mind. In fact, the best you can do is get off the grid immediately with Jessie ‘Ace’ Ventura. This will give you a few years of your pitiful liberty until the New World Order starts spraying our own special fragrance of chemtrail mix to subdue you; followed by us bringing you in to one of our luxury re-education FEMA camps.
Have we missed any outlet for our once-in-a-Universe genius word-based mind-hacking technology? All this content is free and followers who donate to us get nothing extra except for an occasional burning sensation in their pants.
- New blog and old Blog for a very special niche audience of our science-based absurdist hippie clown clones
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| Our 5th in command |
- More conventional published articles that hide our true identity and attempt to subliminally brainwash outsiders into our cult
- Facebook personal page of The Founder for the short rant and the occasional abusive rap battle with extremists. Example from the prophet code-named Smurfette: "I am not a dude and you are a tyrant frightened of the truth. We don't need people like you in the Universe."
- Facebook page for The Emergence Starts Now Publishing Bunker where we notify our fan about all new content and remind her to have dinner on the table at 6pm sharp every night
- The Emergence Facebook Group for the rare discoveries of others on a similar mission as us to develop technology to cure the human condition
- Twitter for arbitrary and infuriating 140 character non-coherence such as: "Gouda is the enemy of cheese grater"
- Dumb memes posted on Tumblr; some are ours
- Issuu for fancy looking entertainment-purpose-only pdfs like the Extremism Spectrum Disorder Diagnostic Tool
- Consciousness uploading using our Memory Capture Device
- Books if we can ever concentrate on a single topic long enough. We’ve started something with an incredibly angry and sweary tone to be published in 2022.
- Holy text decreed to us by the archangel Gabi Grecko for our new global religion that all will follow or face the consequences
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| Our holy mother Gabi showing off her Emergence commitment ring |
Other ways we're taking it all over one snore-cast at a time:
- Youtube for our depression casts and abuse casts to enjoy my cheery disposition
- Podcast for occasional audio versions of our blog articles and the odd snore cast
- Instagram for our Brooding Batman Lego creations and feet
- LinkedIn profile to give the illusion that we are professional
- Vine for some of the most annoying and offensive 6 second videos about The Emergence being a scourge to humanity
- Pinterest to be our brain extension for Data we can’t remember like Spiner Femmes and Filkers. Our mental health board is a collection of articles we've used to create the rhythmic dance routines that will be used by the 2016 Olympic team from Moldavia.
- Google+ to spread the word to Google employees that aren't permitted to use Facebook.
- Soundcloud for our heavenly musical creations that range from absurd to sleep-inducing to out of tune.
- Live appearances: We are all the face of The Emergence. The Dave Chaffey Hippie Unit is The Founder. He doesn't want to be a sociopathic sex-crazed charismatic leader. He will perform live occasionally on request, but any who agree in general with our manifesto guidelines can spread the word loudly in public and drop love bombs on Donald Trump’s 17th wife bot and hair fluffer.
- Peaceful demonstrations: Small groups like the Oscar Pistorius supporters. Quiet, unassuming with silly costumes and placards. This may not make headlines but also won’t incite violence. Followers are encouraged to protest anything that doesn't follow basic harm minimisation principles, like BDSM dominatrix's and personal trainers with names like The Commando and The Misogynist Minute-Man
- Support group Periscope live streams on request for crazy geniuses currently having trouble being productive members of society. Productive could mean just doing a little volunteer work rather than spending all their days fighting the semantic anti-Semitic Great War with their keyboards. The debate will rage about the role of shock trolling in bringing about World Peace.
- Radio broadcast stunts to raise money for charity: We’ll do anything you ask of us as long as it won’t harm us and won't take much effort. Kudos to the little fella on the Unicycle with the gorgeous voice, but no frucking way we’re squashing our balls for 6 months. Our first stunt could be doing a homage to the ending of Fight Club.
- Annual anti-social inner beauty omphaloskepsis pageant. Post your belly button shots and short bios on our Facebook page
- 'Hug an Extremist' charity drive on Vine. Post 6 second videos of you hugging an extremist and then donating money to the opposite cause. For example, hug radio schlock jock Alan Jones, then donate to MENSA.
- Love bombing of mainstream media by our followers to try and steer them away from the actual problems in the World like Mel Gibson and Big Fairy. We'll donate to an approved charity for every time one of our followers yells THE EMERGENCE STARTS NOW to an audience of over 100,000. Post your videos on Youtube.
- Skeptic Master online lecture series coming soon to prepare for the coming final epic battle with the Reiki Masters
- Merchandising upon request – all profits to charity – T shirt with the slogan: “Having a bad day? If you are still alive tomorrow, how about thinking about the 21,000 who starved to death, you arrogant selfish pompous ass!”
How else would you like us to serve you? We'll do anything that we agree to do!
Lastly, our followers will keep an eye on anything else useful like
BlackPlanet, Cross.tv, Ravelry or The Reclaim Australia Circus Clowns? There
are many poor souls stuck in these insular networks and benevolent infiltration
by us would be enlightening if nothing else.
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| Reclaim Australia Leader and First Australian hater Shermon 'the tank' Burgess |
Contact us on your Almon Brown Strowger rotary phone by yelling The Emergence Starts Now at the operator.
World Peace, Inner Harmony & Mark Harmon
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| The dreamy face of Inner Harmony |
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