Tuesday, 13 October 2015


(article modified from an original Facebook post)

About 8 months ago, before I started trying to post a daily mini-blog on Facebook, I got some feedback from some of my 'friends' on my writing style to determine if it was worth bothering or I should just STFU and keep my thoughts to myself. Some feedback was positive. Other feedback reminded me why friendship can at times be about as enjoyable as watching my father blowing his rent boy.

One particular 'aspiring writer' that I thought might be able to help me responded with this:

"You seem to currently be an overly active, aggressive and demanding facebooker..."

Share my posts, slut burger!
At the time this hurt because I had mostly shielded myself from human interaction that could end in conflict. Now, I am more philosophical as I have been trashed for my ideas and called everything under the red moon by a small minority of 'internet people'. But I still don't want to interact with this old friend. 

My vagina is glorious! Please spread the word.
If you are getting anything out of my Internet activity that you don't get elsewhere, please tell all your friends, acquaintances, frenemies, friends with benefits, goomahs,  Peter Pan-dimensional beings, sentient furry pets with human genitalia, feminist sex robots, NWO co-conspirators, fellow ISIS ghost-hunting enthusiasts, boy-wonder-woman sidekicks and imaginary tentacle-loving dwarfs about Dave Chaffey Hippie, the "spiritual garbage" of the social medias. My key demographic is discerning middle-aged shop-lifting cat lovers.

In regards to being overly active, aggressive and demanding, my commitment to you, 'moving back to the future of Scott the Great' is that I will continue to work on my style:

- I promise to be more overly-activer once I can stay awake consistently for 12 hours a day and stay fully alert for more than about 2 hours. Any 'special medication' you can get your hands on from one of the obscenely-paid sporting icons can only help me so can you hook me up?

"The essence of my wife is statistical improbability on a colossal scale"
- I promise to be more overly-passive-aggressiver - I've broken free from my wife's "stop trying to piss everyone off" shackles and the real Dave is coming out swinging like Little Mac's little nut sack and being more feisty than Richard Dawkins' 3rd wife when he keeps referring to their sex life as an "utterly pointless waste of my valuable time as it does nothing to preserve the selfish molecules known as genes."

- I promise to be more overly-demanding-er - I have already started 'gently persuading' people to like, comment on and share my posts. If you don't like this, then share my posts anyway. Just put up with it. Is it really such a massive imposition?

My various 'persuasion techniques' will escalate until either I'm allowed to freely use Zuckerberg's smug head as a personal sex toy because I'm making the Facebook shareholders so much money, or when I have zero friends, zero followers and I threaten Disney with blowing up the 3rd Death Star and get frozen in carbonite by James Earl Jones' voice, David Proust's body, Sebastian Shaw's face and Ralph McQuarrie's costume design.

I find your Ace of Base disturbing
Please keep the constructive criticism coming. It can be challenging at times to hear about how mediocre a writer I am but I'm learning so much at the University of Social Media and the Blogging College. I'm hoping that if I can get my head straight and workable then the job prospects for someone with a PHD in pretentious pseudo-intellectual ranting could be slightly better than terrible.

Afterword: Mr Destructive Criticism has won and I have lost as the Lithium that I'm now on seems to be blocking my online communication lisa lobe. So I'll just blog all over myself from now on.

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